


it's like coming home

by Cancer



Series: Random Fandom 12!Fest [7]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gendo is like the worst parent, I think anyway, Implied Child Abuse, Implied Relationships, You know who I mean, char made me do it, nothing graphic, or more like implied romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cancer/pseuds/Cancer
Summary: Shinji dreams.





	it's like coming home

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so... it's been forever since I last watched Evangelion, but in my defense, that was my first anime that I watched knowing it was anime, and I watched it like ten times. This is mostly what I can remember, and my OTP will always be Kaworu/Shinji so I had to throw that out there because cofcofcanoncofcof. Also, honestly, I haven't watched the last they made of Evangelion neither read the manga (shame on me but oh well), so this is all based on the first anime and you know what? it all was more like Shinji dreaming the whole thing than not, so there  
> Sorry to the hardcore fans, I mean no harm I'm just a really bad writer *sigh*

Shinji dreams.

He dreams of a place where he doesn't have to choose between a father who loves him and a mother who didn't have to die. Others would say he tries to dream of a better place, but Shinji knows there's no such thing as a better place, only a place where things are how they were supposed to be, and a place where things aren't fair. Most of the time he's not sure which one they sent him to, but most of the time he's also not sure who's "they." Most of the time it doesn't really make sense, and things aren't how they were supposed to be neither are they fair. He doesn't know what he dreams of, but it's better than looking out to the real world.

Shinji dreams of a place where somebody loved him and they didn't have to die. A place where the pretty girl who may or may not be attracted to him doesn't have to treat him like trash, and a place where that girl who treats him like trash it's not someone he actually likes. A place where being trash is not so attractive because he has a line of reference for someone who loves him just enough.

He dreams of a boy with red, bright eyes, who tells him the truth and doesn't leave him forever. A place where people like to stay, where he doesn't have to be alone.

He mostly dreams of a place where he doesn't have to make decisions, because decisions have ruined his life. Sometimes he ventures to wonder about a place where people don't question existence and let things be what they are, and the angels come down and do their job and there's no big fuss about it; but he mostly dreams, and dreaming and wondering have never been the same thing.

It's better to dream, he thinks, of being touched by someone who doesn't want anything in return; of being told "I love you" and "I was born to meet you" and heads that don't roll to the ground, and eyes that are warm for him and not for what he means to the big picture, to the future of humanity, to the meaningless time where nobody can tell what's next.

Shinji dreams, because it's the only place where he can say no to his father.

And sometimes the dreams cannot be told apart from reality, but he figures it's okay, at the end there's not much of a difference.                                                                                                                   

 


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